I missed writing yesterday, I did plan for it. But there will always be unknown unknowns.
A close friend’s father passed away, immediately decided to travel to them. They are twins and I love both of them and I want to be there for them. Another close friend’s dad had passed away earlier this year, and I regret not being able to make it, due to a family medical situation at my place.
I can’t imagine what it must be like because it’s so personal to each human being. Never assume you know what it must feel like. You probably don’t.
The first time death took someone close to me was when my Grandpa (Uppappa) passed away a few years ago. My grandma (Ummamma) passed away soon after. Both were very different. Uppappa passed away when I was far away in Oman, he passed away in Kerala, and he had been very sick for a while. Grandma’s happened when she was living with us in Oman, happened in front of me, we weren’t expecting it. That hurt more and took longer to process. We loved both of them equally, but the unexpected ones take longer to process, I think.
In both cases, I remember that it affected mom the most. And in both cases I remember feeling helpless. There is not a lot you can do, they have to process the grief on their own. You can help them / facilitate it to some extent. In the end, they need some time to process it and get through it. I remember journaling a lot back then.
I was talking to my friend Bilal today about death and how we process it. Different cultures do it differently. I’ve seen some cultures take the dead body through the streets with music and dancing and celebrations around, I don’t know enough about it in depth, but I think I prefer celebrating their life over being sad about their loss. Easier said than done.
I remember telling my mom, let’s be grateful that we got to spend Ummamma’s last few days together. How she finally came to Oman and we made all those beautiful memories with her. She was happy.
We will all die someday. All our loved ones will die someday. Make the most of your days together. And once they are gone, celebrate their life and memories. Be grateful for everything you had with them.
I read this years ago and I still love this phrase Memento Mori - it means “Remember you must die”. Remembering that you have limited time reminds you to prioritise life better.